We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Tits of Steel

by Anna Secret Poet

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      £5 GBP  or more

     

1.
‘TITS OF STEEL’ THINGS ARE NEVER WHAT THEY SEEM TWISTING AROUND YOUR DREAM IT’S TWISTING MY MELON MAN APPARENTLY I’VE GOT TITS OF STEEL IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME JUST HAVE A FEEL BUT DON’T INCUR THE WRATH OF MY KILLER HEELS I’LL MAKE YOU PERMANENTLY FROWN LIKE IAN BEALE I’D LIKE TO POINT OUT THIS IS NOT AN ANGRY SONG MY MIND SUDDENLY WONDERED AND IT TURNED OUT WRONG BUT AS LONG AS WE’RE HERE I MIGHT AS WELL MAKE DO I’M GONNA SHRED SOME GUITAR LICKS JUST FOR YOU I’VE GOT STEEL TITTIES THEY MAY WEAKEN YOUR KNEES MAKE YOU SAY THANK YOU AND PLEASE HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE I’M ANNA SECRET POET AND YOU CAN’T CATCH ME AND I’M COASTING ALONG QUITE MERRILY WITH A COUPLE OF TUNES AND SOME POETRY I’M BRINGIN’ TRANNY BACK – SO PLEASE STOP AND STARE I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BREATHE CONFUSED AIR IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE THAT’S FINE BY ME ANOTHER SATISFIED PUNTER MAKES ME HAPPY HOW DOES IT FEEL HOW DOES IT FEEL HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE TITS OF STEEL?
2.
3.
Eyebrows! 01:54
'Eyebrows!' Eyebrows eyebrows talkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows thinkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows lookin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows! HD lady painted up a treat It’s early in the morning and your makeup is on fleek I’m hypnotised and fascinated My own caterpillars got me frustrated Eyebrows eyebrows talkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows thinkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows lookin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows! Monobrow mistress never gonna thread Not a single drop of wax is ever going to touch your head Society gasps as you stroll along You don’t even know you are in this song Eyebrows eyebrows talkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows thinkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows lookin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows! In my eyebrow daydream I lick your face To see if your eyebrows come off and find out how they taste (METAL BIT) EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE BROOOOOOOOOOWWWWWS (x2) I raise mine like Sir Roger Moore Oozing cool from every pore – at least I think so Brezhnev and Brooke Shields too Can’t ever hope to have a pair like you Eyebrows eyebrows talkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows thinkin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows eyebrows lookin’ ‘bout your eyebrows Eyebrows!
4.
'I Don't Know Any Funny Songs' I don’t know any funny songs Or songs that will amuse I seem to specialise in ones That mostly just confuse The other day I thought of one But then it disappeared I think it just escaped into that Man over there’s beard Imagine that! A funny song Nestled in your facial hair Or better still a song at large Inside your underwear Would it keep you awake at night? Cos melodies don’t rest This one has unknown properties Of which we can but guess I don’t know any funny songs But maybe I can learn Though I know my sense of humour Can at times cause some concern A joke that I find funny May disgust and appal you But what’s the point in playing it safe That’s not my point of view Though I draw the line at necrophilia And bestiality I’m embarrassed to have mentioned them Accept my apologies I probably should end it here Cos I’ve run out of steam And I’ve strayed too far From my initial theme
5.
‘Star Wars Pants’ I’m putting on my Star Wars pants My lucky lucky Star Wars pants The force is strong in me today, I’m putting on my Star Wars pants I want to disco I want to dance Womp rats get out of my way! Stepping out in my Star Wars pants My lucky lucky Star Wars pants Gonna tell the Empire I don’t care, Stepping out in my Star Wars pants I’m hypnotised I’m in a trance Feel like a wookie without the hair! Don't want to evade a Darth Vader Don't wanna chew on a Chewbacca Someone please hand me a Han Solo Look over there - look - Luke Skywalker Taking off my Star Wars pants My funky funky Star Wars pants Fold them in anticipation, Taking off my Star Wars pants I look to the sky and realise That’s no moon that’s a space station!
6.
Bog Standard 04:17
‘BOG STANDARD’ I’M NOT TALKIN’ ‘BOUT REVOLUTION I’M MERELY DISCUSSING ABLUTIONS THEY TOOK AWAY MY FAVOURITE TOILET AND IT REALLY UPSET ME BECAUSE I’M VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT WHERE I CHOOSE TO PEE NOW I WILL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER AND I’M FILLED WITH IRE BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OTHER TOILETS IN MY IMMEDIATE VICINITY THEY TOOK AWAY MY FAVOURITE RESTROOM AND I’M NOT VERY AMUSED NOW I’VE NOWHERE TO CALL MY SANCTUARY OR DEPOSIT MY NUMBER TWO’S DON’T THINK THAT I’LL GET OVER IT I’M UNCERTAIN IF I CAN THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER LAVATORY OR TOILET PAN I’LL JUST HAVE TO HOLD IT IN TILL I GET HOME I’LL HAVE TO FACE IT AND GRIN TILL I GET BACK HOME I’LL KEEP IT AT BAY WITH A DANCE CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO PEE MY PANTS
7.
'Anna en Francais' Ooh ohh yeh yeh! I wish I was french like Brigette Bardot Not stuck in dreary old Glasgow Strolling along the Cote d’Azure I’d like that very much sil vous plait monsieur But I was not born with dignity and grace I don’t have Francoise Hardy’s face But I’d settle for her wardrobe that’d be fine And a bottle of vin – that’s French for wine Ooh ooh yeh yeh! I wish I was French but I’m Scottish instead I don’t eat baguettes I eat plain bread I’s like to be more cultured but I don’t have time It’s a shit excuse but at least it’s mine The language of love is undeniably cool Though I don’t remember much from school Just the words that amused me, the days of the week Saucisson, fenetre and magnifique Je suis desole – cela n’a aucun sens Je suis ecossaise – non parlez francais You might have guessed! I wish I was French like Marie Antoinette But as long as I get to keep my head I need it for eating and talking to you I’ll maybe even sing a song or two Do you dig Jean-Paul Sartre or Serge Gainsbourg Catherine Deneuve in ‘The Umbrellas of Cherbourg’ Then you can feel free to come with me As I set a course for gay Paris! Ooh ooh yeh yeh!
8.
'Why Won’t Cheerleaders Come Near Me?' I know why there’s thunder and how rainbows are made And that Lannister’s debts are always paid I think I know the reason why The Himalayas are so high I think I know Meatloaf and Sting’s real name And all the words to ‘There ain’t nothing like a dame’ I know lot’s of musical terms That I wish I hadn’t bothered to learn But there’s one thing I gotta know… Why won’t cheerleaders come near me? I know why Americans don’t call tomatoes a fruit And why you shouldn’t cook a fry up in your birthday suit I know loads of useless facts Like the date of birth of Andrew Sachs (he played Manuel in Fawlty Towers, born 7/4/30) I know how to say ‘where’s the monkey?’ in french (ou est le singe?) And I know who’s responsible for that awful stench (sorry) I think I know how to moonwalk Cos I’ve been watching Michael Jackson like a hawk But there’s one thing I gotta know… Why won’t cheerleaders come near me? Do they think I’m goona steal their pompoms? Why won’t cheerleaders come near me? Is it because I look kinda freaky? Is it because I don't know how to do endings endings endings...
9.
10.
'Catch the Tiger' Get up off your feet and catch the tiger Get up off your feet and catch him now Get up off your feet and catch the tiger Though he’s much faster than your average cow Climb onto your ship and chase the Viking Climb onto your ship and chase him down As far as I know there were no female Vikings So ‘him’ is an unacceptable pronoun Modern living’s hard but you can be too (if you put your mind to it) Here’s some words of encouragement just for you (I’ll tell you what to do!) Go into your fridge and eat the cheesecake Go into your fridge and munch it down Of course a cheesecake is just an example Whatever your preference – swap it round Now… Calm the fuck down and stroke a kitten Look at her wee face hear her purr Now calm the fuck down and stroke a kitten Manoeuvre your hand across her fur Modern living’s a bitch if you don’t mind me saying (That’s the mildest word I could muster) Here are some foolproof ways to cut through the pain Go back in time and tickle a T-Rex...
11.
‘LET’S GET HORIZONTAL’ OOH CAN YOU FEEL IT? THERE’S MAGIC IN THE AIR AND TOO MUCH UNDERWEAR OOH WE SHOULD LOSE IT AS SLOWLY AS YOU PLEASE I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TEASE OOH CAN YOU FEEL IT? PRESSED AGAINST YOUR FLESH IT’S GETTING MORE INTENSE OOH WE SHOULD DO IT LIKE WE’VE NOT DONE IT BEFORE I’M GONNA SHAKE YOU TO YOUR CORE I SAY OOOH LET’S GET HORIZONTAL I SAY OOOH LET’S GET HORIZONTAL I DON’T WANT TO DEPRESS YOU I ONLY WANT TO IMPRESS YOU EVENTUALLY I’LL UNDRESS YOU AND I WILL LAY YOU DOWN TAKE YOU TO PLEASURE TOWN OOH CAN YOU FEEL IT? IT’S PRETTY HARD TO MISS THERE’S NO ESCAPING THIS OOH WE SHOULD DO IT LIKE THE WORLD’S ABOUT TO END ON ME YOU CAN DEPEND I SAY OOOH LET’S GET HORIZONTAL I SAY OOOH LET’S GET HORIZONTAL
12.
'Plastic Poisoning' Plastic fork – plastic knife Plastic feelings – plastic life Plastic spoon – plastic plate Plastic bottle – rehydrate! It’s gonna gonna gonna get you Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning It’s gonna gonna gonna get you Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Plastic arms – plastic legs Plastic penis for plastic sex Too much plastic in your life Plastic husband – plastic wife It’ll get you in the end Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning It’s definitely not your friend Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Plastic ego – plastic mind Plastic reasons for you to find If you see a plastic man Melt him down and start again Feel it creeping down my throat Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Steals the wallet from my coat Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning Plastic poisoning, plastic poisoning…

about

The second album from Anna Secret Poet after 'Vowel Movements' in 2016. This one contains more songs and less poetry, more visceral licks and less ponderous wordplay.

An album review can be viewed via this link here - www.newhellfireclub.co.uk/news/2017/11/27/anna-secret-poet-tits-of-steel-album-review-c-t-herron

credits

released October 7, 2017

Produced by Gary Ward at the Canteen, Summer 2017
All songs written and performed by Anna Secret Poet
except 'Star Wars Pants' which is partially by John Williams (with apologies!)
Photography by Debbie McCall @galactic_carnival

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Anna Secret Poet Glasgow, UK

Anna Secret Poet is a genderfluid singer/songwriter and model from Glasgow and she has been defying genres, genders and expectations on stages up and down the UK since 2016. You can find her bothering stages at a variety of different shows in the central belt inc cabarets, drag shows, comedy nights, spoken word events and grassroots rock gigs. ... more

contact / help

Contact Anna Secret Poet

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Anna Secret Poet, you may also like: